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What is Love?

This is a question that some of us will be able to answer and others will literally run away from. Yes that wonderful word Love, the word that can literally make or break a relationship. A word that some throw around with no true meaning behind it literally because they don’t even know what the word Love means themselves. The most important thing I have learnt about Love is that it is unconditional. When we start loving people based on a set of conditions, this is no longer love it is control and manipulation. Any Love that is given based on a set of circumstances will not survive. Love that is Pure and genuine will feel different from a Love that requires you to follow a set of rules and regulations.

Unconditional Love (Agape Love) is something that not all will understand. You must be aware of this and protect the Love you have accordingly. In some cases, there will be those who will not be able to receive the unconditional love you have for them without taking advantage of this Love. It is for you, therefore, to identify who you can Love close and who needs to be loved from afar.

What a week this has been, I have really experienced this week in a new light. What Love means to me has been underpinned in a manner that I didn’t realise, because now I am on the other side of Love (unconditional love) I realised that Love will make us feel the strong emotions. But these emotions are in actual fact fear and Love feels nothing like Fear.

You see Fear will have you sitting up at night time not being able to sleep. Love has you develop this deep sense within that everything is going to be perfectly fine. It is a feeling of complete calm, things that once bothered you no longer bother you. This is due to the fact that you begin to realise that feeling calm most the time is a sign of true spiritual development.

Now let’s get this straight, even the most spiritual person (myself included) suffers from days in which it feels like everything is going wrong. This is okay, allow the feelings to flow, that is you releasing the fear, so the Love is the only thing left that you feel.

I saw Love in many different aspects this week, but all which carried the same energy which was unconditional. From children to family to friends.

So let me give you a little insight into my week. I am going to call this week my “no behaviour” week, from seeing friends to seeing family. The sun was out, I was out. Having constructive conversations and reconnecting with my ability to love unconditionally.

Quite basically I did everything but concentrate on this blog. (fun is needed too) I didn’t understand my lack of focus until 22.06 pm on a Friday night. However, this was the day that I had conversations which helped me to realise that people do suffer at times when balancing with the energy of unconditional Love. Now, this can be in any manner, but for the purpose of this blog, I am going to use our children.

When your child states they are leaving home, it feels as though you have lost a part of you. The feeling you get from this is literally like the mourning of someone who has passed away. A Lot of emotions come up with this, but the biggest feeling is the feeling of Love. I have encountered two women who are going through this at present, and while my heart goes out to them, what I really see is the love in their eyes now they have to let their babies go.

My point is Love is something that at times we have to learn to do from far, it does not mean that we do not love this person, it is just that at times, we have to allow them to spread their wings and learn new lessons. Let them go, let the places go, building new memories of Love it really is what sets you free. No one that Loves you stays away, Love is a connection and Love is what will always bring you back together.

Equally, we must be careful when using the word Love. It is not something to be used lightly. When I was younger, I myself was guilty of this, saying I Love you, when in reality. I didn’t even love myself so how could I ever believe that I was able to Love another. You see once you say The words I Love you, you will either be embraced or they will shy away because the person you are stating you love doesn’t have a Love for themselves so how do expect them to Love you? Be gentle with them, it is not a competition as to who can Love you, and the other person should not feel as though they have to Love you. This will occur naturally. As the energy changes so do the feeling (calm and peaceful – always).

I have since learnt that now I have a deeper level of Love for myself, If I say the words I Love you to someone outside of what I class as a family or a close friend, I in actual fact mean it. I don’t need to say it to hear it back, nor do I need any recognition for saying I Love you. Love is more than a feeling, it is an energy, and energy is something that flows throughout you at all times so therefore once you have fully connected with the energy of Love you have connected with being able to love another.

That is what Love means to me, it is a connection, a connection that is not broken based on a set of circumstances. It is something that is always there regardless of whether you are in a bad mood or a good mood. Something that you can feel, but you may not be able to explain. And why should you have to explain how you feel to another? I Love you, should be enough of an explanation right?!?

Wrong – you see in order for someone to be able to receive the Love that you are giving to them or trying to give them, they have to have an understanding of what Love means to them first. The first place that we experience Love is from our parents/family. Now naturally we would like to believe that our parents will show us that type of unconditional love we are looking for within another when we get older and start to form our own relationships. And in most cases, we are shown unconditional love from our parents or our main caregivers.

But what happens if we are given the Love, but we are not shown how to demonstrate Love to another? This is what I have found to be difficult in the past with those who are unable to demonstrate Love. It is not so much that they were not loved as children and more to do with the fact that the Love they were given was not extended, they were not taught how to demonstrate Love outside of their family environment. Therefore they struggle with showing Love as they enter adulthood, which is consistent, authentic and pure.

Now I was definitely loved as a child by everyone who had a part in my upbringing from parents to grandparents and beyond. However, was I taught how to extend this love outside of my family circle? Not necessarily, My grandmother would do anything for us, she was kind, honest and confident. And while it was very evident that she loved us, she struggled to show her love in a physical manner, you could always feel a disconnect when hugging my grandmother almost like “get off me” – thinking back I didn’t really think that much of it as a child, it was just the way that my grandmother was, and thankful that was not something that I took into my adulthood. I like to hug, there is a real connection in hugging.

It has been identified that if a child does not feel the love from a young age they are unable to demonstrate Love as an adult. I will agree and disagree with this as I believe that we are able to teach ourselves how to love over a period of time and if the need requires.

Some of us have been raised in households in which we have not been able to witness what it is like to have parents who have demonstrated a healthy love towards one another for a variety of reasons, and I believe this is one of the factors which leads to relationships that are built without any form of Love attached to them. Just a constant egotistical love that needs feeding on a variety of different sources (women or men) with no true intention of connection attached to them.

This type of love is what I call “Thrill of the Chase” it is the ability for you to feel that short feeling of euphoria until it becomes serious, and then they remember, they are falling for someone and they don’t do love as love hurts, and no one like to get hurt now do they? The Thrill of the Chase game as I like to call it is in actual fact more damaging than what it actually is to fall in Love. This is because usually, it does not just end there, it now becomes an egotistical type of love, so although they may not be able to let you go, what they now do is embark on a series of manipulation and control games to try and keep your Love. Love never leaves, it the connection that becomes tiring when we have to prove our Love to another, which another is unable to see. Once you are both aware of the Love you have for each other the manipulation and controls stops. You are now in the form of Pure Love.

Now, this is not to say that the “Thrill of Chase” type of Love can not progress to a Pure Love connection, it just may take longer than usual and you are going to need a whole load of patience and understanding so that you are able to see where the other person is coming from. Love them gently, not everyone is able to take full blown love so early in a relationship. Give them time to feel Love for themselves first.

It is by not having a clear overview of what it really means to love yourself is what brings the most discord in relationships. Love starts and ends with you first. Trying to love another when you have not fully and completely known what it is like to feel a healthy love for yourself, will have people coming into your life who have the same energy. Once you have realised this, you will put boundaries in place that this other will not respect you for. They will begin to wonder if it is because you have another in your life, and not realise that this is not about others and strictly about yourself.

The intimacy of a physical nature is not enough for Love to develop alone. Especially if the encounters are irregular. Real intimacy requires connection, and the connection is what Love is about, a connection of the mind, body and spirit. If you get these three within intimacy then you have connected with Love. This is a hard part of Love as we often confuse physical intimacy with Love, and while there is an aspect of Love in Lovemaking. Just remember that it is more than this alone. It is the feeling/connection that occurs after the physical encounter that means more than the encounter itself.

We cannot force Love, We can be Love, and being Love is more important than trying to force it upon another. When all you are is Love, Then Love is all that another will see.

Don’t be afraid to speak about Love, from your fears that surround Love, to how you are able to embrace it. All of this makes a difference in your ability to Love. I make it a routine of telling those I love them at the end of each call, however, I am also fully aware that not everyone is able to accept that, and therefore I am very selective about who I state this too. This is just due to not wanting them to feel uncomfortable, more than me feeling uncomfortable.

So how do we begin the process of loving ourselves fully? Firstly we have to stop looking for love in other people. They cannot offer us Love when they have not learnt to offer themselves, Love. You are now on the road to mending a heart that has been broken not due to another, but due to the fact that you have always placed your accountability to be loved in the hands of another. Now is the time for you to take responsibility for loving yourself fully.

Love the Universe (or God if that is who you follow) Love fully, the universe only knows Love, it can only return to you all that you give out. Love completely, without the need of control. Love because Love is all you know how to do. Love with the understanding that the more Love you give, the more Love you will receive back to you.

There is nothing wrong with loving yourself, some people will deem this as being full of yourself, and if that is the case, good for them, they clearly are still on a path of enlightenment. You just need to concentrate on your path and what you deem to be important for you. Love is an important part of life, do not let anyone allow you to believe there is anything wrong with Love, do what you feel is best for you. Love with all that you have, and the rest will come together.

We were born full of Love, it is our social conditioning which leads us to believe that Love is something that is not to be entered. Therefore on this journey, you are going to come across others that are going to try and block your ability to love yourself. And then once you have learnt to love you, they will give you a million reasons why you should not love another.

Song of the week Black Effect – The Carters – Everything is Love

Love of self

Love is an energy, and you are energy. Align yourself with the energy of unconditional Love. See how fast the things that happen in your life change, how the calmness and inner peace is the higher feeling that you experience most of the time and that even when you don’t believe that everything is going to be smooth, that with Love everything is possible. Remember Love is the small things that another does for you, the things that you don’t ask for, it is not about expensive gifts. It is about connection, and connection will only be achieved by spending time with those that you Love or are learning to Love.

I am unconditional Love

Love, Light and Blessings NSJ XXXXXX

Walsh.N (1995) Conversations With God – Book One Hodder & Stoughton: London

Images

Available @https://www.ftd.com/blog/give/types-of-love accessed on 27.06.2020 @ 23.33pm

https://www.lyricsondemand.com/c/carterslyrics/everythingislovealbumlyrics.html#blackeffectlyrics

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